i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
