a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
