lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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