Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
