I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
