i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
