Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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