Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
