3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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