i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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