Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The air was thick with penises
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
