our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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