you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
