Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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