I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize