i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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