he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
