Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
