Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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