Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
