i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
