I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize