Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
