Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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