I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
