He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
