Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have tasted many bathrooms
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
