I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
