wakey wakey hands off snakey
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
