dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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