I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
we're so committed to being not committed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
