I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
