I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
