I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
