just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
