I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
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is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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