it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
