I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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