NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
