we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
