I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
