Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
