i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
