I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
