Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
