Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize