i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
