So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
