I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
