OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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