Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
