So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
