did you get engaged???
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
