just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
