Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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