So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
