i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
