i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
