just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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