Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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