Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
