Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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