Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
