he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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