dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
