I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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