Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
