You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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