Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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