At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
