He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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