im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you made out with another girl for some wings
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
