doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
false alarm, still single
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
